Walking on Thin Ice... or Am I?

There will be times when we sat alone in a room, and cast doubt on ourselves if the decisions that we made in life was the right one? Did we go to the right University? Did we choose the right partner? Is this the career that we really want? Is this the right shoe for this dress? Will he like my Mee Goreng or does he prefer the Mamak’s better? What we told that person – should it be told or should we just keep mum about it? Will we ever know the decision that we made will benefit us or will it just crush us down to dust? Should we be repentant for all the ludicrous things that we did in our ancient times? Would it help if we just stay put and not go anywhere?

Wouldn’t it be easier if there is a device or something that tells us all decision that we made is precise and top notch; no question asked and that there’s not going to be any drawback and we will live happily ever after with the choice that we made with no misgivings!

But life is not like that is it?

If we are given a device, the world will be like… it will be too mundane, too humdrum! There will be nothing to excite the body, nothing to entice the mind! The brain will be working only to one direction and not break up its creativity
(if this makes any sense)…

But then again, there will be no chaos, there will be no hurt and pain and pressure, stress, anger, despair… only happiness and ecstasy and peace (?)…

Calmness among others, tolerance, empathy, understanding among each other… Compromise & devotion among lovers… True Love…Now, does that exist - True Love?

Is it just only a dream? Do I really need to wake up to the reality? To feel that hurt, that pain, that suffering? That anguish that I’ve been feeling; that hopelessness I’m carrying around with me? How do I stop feeling this way? Can all these ever make sense to me? How do I stop myself from feeling vulnerable?

How do I? How do I? How can I? Why? What? How? Questions upon questions! So many questions in my head and I am still unable to find an answer for all the questions that’s been going through this tiny brain of mine…

Where are they hiding; these answers? Why aren’t they helping me sort out the questions that have been intensely going through my cranium? I can feel my not so tiny skull swelling up and if I don’t get an answer soon, it’s going to explode in million, zillion pieces! I need to know right now! I need that way out pronto!

Someone please show me the way out!

My psyche is chaos now…

I need to lie down…